Hippo diary

Imagine a people ,who builds a big round shield surrounding himself/herself, use that big shield to protect from this disturbance called trust. Should I trust you? Should I trust them? Or ironically, should I trust myself?

It’s not about mentally ill. People who build this shield have been trusted for so long that their trust is thrown away. It makes sense, in this world, almost everyone covers them up with lies to suit with this cruel world. Meanwhile, these shielded people are forced to be very picky to their friends. Well, no one knows who actually lies and who actually tells the truth. The expression on the faces, their moving eyes when directly talk to you are some of requirements that you need to realize for knowing the symptomps of lying. But again, no one really knows as we can easily straight our eyes or omiting expression on our faces. No one really knows who lies to you.

Unconciously talking, you have been met this people who can gain your trust. Your trusted people tries to knock your shield and place himself/herself in your shield. You share everything together, you know the fact about him. You feel that finally you meet this kind of people in your life, you are fated to share every hours with him/her. It’s a strong bond that knowing your weaknesses can’t destroy this bond of both of you.

Yet, what’s happened if your trusted one vanishes from your life?

It’s happened to me just in previous day.

We decided to aim a same target but took a different way. We have a same faith, and we do believe we can’t continue our relationship as the religion forbids us to do. He is a man with so many responsibilities. He must consider every available pathes he choose, which leads to the target. It’s a tough duty for him, and I do feel that much. In the other hand, I can’t deny that I need some time to be alone because.... ya... I have to recover from this disease with my own willing. I must build my dream, concentrate on my study, and actually.... my heart doesn’t feel like it’s better to stay together... as we recently quarreled almost everyday. Both of us were tired, yet both of us knew that we couldn’t let go each other..

But we must...

We want to be a better person by accepting our religion’s rule.

Being an adult is not easy as children imagine. We plan our future and of course we can’t just wait a miracle drops from the sky to make it happen. A bright future that we aim is not an easy thing to catch, but it also isn’t an impossible thing to have.

I DO feel restless. What if he forgets me? What if he attaches to other girl? What if he losts tracks? I do feel a huge hole in my heart. I do miss him and I don’t allow myself to burden him more. I must be a better person than I am now. We work as teammates... as we have the same target.

I won’t let myself lost focus. Absolutely. I might run everyday, I might fall and trip my feet, and even I walk slowly, I will not let myself stop from the path I’m leading. From the very beginning, I have put this much trust on him, he is willing to understand me who strongheadedly stay in a shield, and he will always be. He will always be my most trusted people.

Let’s see each other in our finish line..! ^-^

hippo~